Two nurses experience & a fathers perspective: My wife and I are expecting our first child in February. We are both registered nurses primarily in critical care but serving all patients in every aspect of health and wellness. I have watched my wife work the night shift in emergency medicine through this entire pregnancy. So often people are quick to ask her, why would you do that? Are you not tired all the time? How do you balance that on top of the difficulties pregnancy brings?
The truth is, this is my wife’s greatest passion. Working in an environment where she is tested professionally and can work autonomously alongside a provider in the stabilization and treatment of various acute presentations is where her satisfaction is achieved. She cares about her patients and finds peace in knowing she has the opportunity to provide healthcare service to those in need. I have watched her show up to work and never consider calling in or changing jobs because her team needs her & she loves what she does. Her partner was myself for the last year until we made the decision to start our family.
In June upon finding out we were going to start our family, we knew both of us working the nightshift and the same schedule would not be feasible. I transferred away from ER and critical care after 3 years solely working in critical care in order to work in normal business hours. Since then, my vacant position has yet to be filled leaving my previous partner and wife without a consistent team member. The 12 hour night shifts have grown harder and harder on her through this 9 month journey. Her feet swell, her body aches, she throws up in the bathroom between patients, and she has exhausted her energy to a level I had never seen before.
Still yet, she is present every shift from 7pm-7am and her patients are taken care of. Many have asked her if she plans to take off work early to allow her body some rest before the delivery. Unfortunately, that would only result in less time off following the birth of our child. Ariel intends to take 12 weeks of FMLA and only 8 weeks of that time will be paid leave. Fortunately, we have financially prepared to take that remaining time as unpaid. It is baffling however that in the very place where we educate our patients on the importance of maternal health, newborn care, and importance of family, we as employees of a regional medical center are not supported in paid maternal and paternal leave.
As for myself, paternal leave is not even a policy at our employer. Likewise, if my leave were to be classified as FMLA, it would deplete time away from my wife due to federal laws of spouses of one employer not recognizing our leave as separate guarantees but rather as the time to be shared and not to exceed limitation. I have been advised by our Human Resources office in order to prevent this and ensure my wife’s 12 weeks is allowed, my time off will be a “leave of absence”. Unfortunately, my time will equate to 4 weeks of leave and only 2 of those 4 being paid leave. As a new generation father, this breaks my heart. I carry great pride in making myself as resourceful and present to my wife and family throughout this journey. I have never missed an OB appointment, I have carried the burdens of our daily routine in attempt to make this easier on my wife, and I want nothing more but the best for her and my child.
I’m embarrassed at the limitations of maternal and paternal leave of my employer, our state, and the nation as a whole. This is not & should not be a controversial topic in the modern world we live in. The science and evidence blatantly shows and emphasizes the importance of family in the early stages of growth and development for our communities youth to be healthy. With correlational evidence and data we know that our nation as a whole does not value the family unit like other nations do and we are falling behind. I will never stop advocating for mothers and their support through pre-natal, childbirth, and motherhood. Our generation should be the one responsible for change and recognizing how our nations youth and their health is directly tied to the experience their mothers have is where I’d like to see that change start.
Employer guaranteed paid leave is a great place to start and excuses should no longer be allowed. The conversation of our mothers and their support & resources in pregnancy should be held in the same regard as basic human rights. To all mothers reading, god bless you for the sacrifices you have made. As a man & father to be, I’m sorry you do not receive the support and resources you all deserve. Your struggles are not unwitnessed and unnoticed and I hope above all that beneficial change is seen in the near future.
Brooks Hartman BSN-RN
Chanute, Kansas